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Belief and unbelief among Czeslaw Milocz

To complete the first draft of this blog on permanent coexistence between belief and disbelief, I give you a text of the Polish Nobel Prize for Literature Czeslaw Milosz, from the book Dog Mandarin (Thousand and One Nights, 2004) I recently reread. The author, an ardent Catholic, also reflects his existential oscillation between belief and doubt and is fully in the research problem that I had proposed:

I was a deeply religious man. I was a man totally unbelieving. The contradiction is so blatant that I do not know how to live with. It has awakened in me the suspicion that the deeper meaning of the verb "believe" is still digging, perhaps because to believe is an approach that involves more than the life of the human community that the psychology of the individual. Neither the language used by religious communities or those atheists have encouraged reflection on the meaning of this verb.
I often feel that the explanation is close, it is somewhat open and many will cry, hardly she will put into words: "Yes, of course! That is exactly my case! "
These people are here, beside me in the church. They are a sign of the cross, rise, kneel, and I guess it happens in their heads the same as in mine, that is to say they want more they believe believe, or so they believe in periods. This happens probably not exactly the same way in everyone, but how does it happen? Everything suggests that there are some hundreds of years, the meaning of this word would be different, so that from the seventeenth century, Pascal has noted "Denying, believing and doubting are to men what running is the horse "and in the nineteenth century, Emily Dickinson has said:" I believe and I do not think a hundred times per hour, leaving my faith in the flexibility. " Being with them in a church is more important than his personal criteria according to reason - most people gathered in the church feel they do not and they think not the same, providing an opportunity to complain about religious ritual while performing an act of humility?
Maybe I'm close enough to say: "It's hot, I burn!" When I have a sudden vision of the whole assembly bare-animal creatures of both sexes with their hair, sex their deformations exposed to view, uniting in a rite of worship immaterial. What can be more extraordinary? (P. 17-18)